Waiting for something good to happen... Despite the miasma of passiveness around such a statement, it's the best way to sum up my mood the past few weeks. Perhaps a better way of saying it is that I feel I have room in my life. Room for...? It's not a longing for but rather a sense of readiness... mixed with anticipation. A capacity. I have free time (not much, but some...), and that most precious of human commodities, attention.

I want to say this is about romance, but that smacks of wishful thinking. Yet romance is where my mind turns when I think of this space in my life. If I could chose something for myself, it would be romance... Perhaps that's the surest sign that love is not in the wings. Alas. Recent experience would prove that out -- the last glimmer of mutual attraction (a few weeks gone, now) sputtered, guttered and I would be shocked to no end if somehow it were re-kindled.

Why not seize this capacity and direct it towards ends of my choosing? I feel I'm sufficiently at the helm of my ship and I have an idea I would fill this space with more of the same. Rather than working more, fucking more, playing video games ... I'd like to see what the world would offer me.